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dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
