he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
