Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
