My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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