Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
