all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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