DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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