i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
