if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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