WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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