she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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