can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
