I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Two words: blizzard sex
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
