she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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