Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
And then he peed in my hair
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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