You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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