the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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