I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
