She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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