TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
