you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
