ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
