it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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