so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize