Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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