im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I looked at my own cervix.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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