We won't sleep together?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
