Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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