Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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