I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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