shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize