Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
