Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
