the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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