I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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