Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
