I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I have already put on my inside pants.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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