She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
