Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
