Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
