I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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