I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
