we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
