I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
