Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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