I just made out with a guy for $7.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
