drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My vagina is very pro this idea
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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