I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
