i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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