I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
How does one acquire holy water?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
