i was born a porn star she said
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
