I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
