Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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