no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize