he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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