using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
