so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
