she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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