she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
