I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize