what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
