I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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