I puked a lego.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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