Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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