Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
