Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
