Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
youre lurking in front of me
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
