Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
