my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
