I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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