Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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