He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
