You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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